I’m always there for support and give people advice. But no one checks up on me or asks me if I’m doing well. Not even a single “how was your day?” from my mother.
Life is stupid. And I hate myself. I had suicide thoughts earlier and it made me happy because I wouldn’t deal with all the stress, responsibility, and drama I’m in. I wish I could end it. I really do. Being gay sucks and I’m a nobody. No one appreciates me. No one asks me if I’m okay.
It’s never a “wanna hang out?” Or “so and so asked me to hang out but I rather hang out with you”. But instead she leaves me and I’m just like, oh. I’m a jealous person, but the fact that we’re not as close makes me feel so isolated. Even more than I ready feel.
And I always wanted to ask her and be like, “hey why don’t you ever think of me for once?” I mean, that sounds really selfish, but I just feel like she’s so uninterested in the things we do and in our friendship that she would rather hang out with other people. Even if she got me a really small gift I would be so happy, because I know she thought of me.
The day came. It finally happened. It unofficially lost my bestfriend. It’s obvious and things aren’t going to be the same. I’m just a dumb jealous friend.
I’m stupid and I hate myself.
She obviously likes her better than me and it’s okay I guess. I saw it coming. But I wonder where I went wrong? I was always there for her and got her small gifts to show I appreciated her.
But she didn’t really do the same, which I was okay with. I didn’t want to seem like I wanted something in return.
And now that we are not as close
I feel more alone than ever.
I’m not in love with her or anything, but I sorta lost my best friend. And it sucks because it’s happening during the end of Senior year.
|—||Dita Von Teese (via thecreepylittlegirl)|